Weekend Recap

March 12, 2012 at 11:10 am Leave a comment

I’m having a really hard time sitting down to write about this topic. There, I said it. First, it’s pretty personal. Second, I think it’s too easy to become overly sappy while writing about love and relationships.

Now that we’ve gotten that out there, I want to say, too, that I’m trying to figure out how to write about my relationship with M authentically, but with discretion. We’ll see what happens, but I hope to at least force myself to write something everyday for the rest of March.

I definitely felt myself critically analyzing my behavior over the weekend to try to implement these resolutions, especially when I started to feel tired or hungry. We had a pretty busy weekend, and even though it was full of lots of great stuff, that can be tiring.

A good example of my failure is when we were driving to our niece’s birthday party and needed to make a quick decision on what the directions meant. M asked me what to do, and I made the wrong decision, so that we ended up on the wrong highway. Not really a big deal, right? And, in fact, M was not mad. But my need to be praised – and my fear of disapproval – kicked in and I got upset. It was ugly, and I’m not proud. And we were over it by the time we arrived at the party. But it could have been avoided if I just laughed it off, or even clarified if M was mad about it in the first place.

But then yesterday, after visiting my parents and eating at M’s grandma’s, we went to see Ballet Memphis at the Ohio Theatre in downtown Cleveland. Once we got in the vicinity of the theatre, of course we had to park. And there was a moment when we were coming down to the wire time-wise and trying to decide if we could park at a meter for free or if we should just park in an (expensive) garage when I almost got upset – but, I didn’t. I took a breath and calmly said “I’ll just got double check on the meter itself.” This moment probably does not seem like a big deal to many of you, but I hope it’s an example of me trying to reflect on how I act and treat M in these moments that in fact don’t mean an awful lot. What was important was that we were going to the ballet, not where we park. So why make it about parking by getting upset over it?

There was more good than less-than-good this weekend, and after I was away for three days, I am glad M and I spent almost all of it together. And I’m glad I know I am capable of stopping myself from getting upset, even if there are moments I give in to the urge to be upset. Always more work to be done!

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